30 Layers...30 Days Day 6-7

Day 6: Don’t Fix Me, Love Me. (Name something about your appearance or personality that use to make you feel insecure or inadequate but you have grown to love.  Why are you grateful for it? What changed your perspective?)

I’m perfectly flawed!  I’ve always been small or skinny as most people say!  I wanted to be thicker as society had me thinking that that was the only way “Real” women were made.  I desired legs, butt, hips, breast and all those things appealing.  I would think to myself I would look so much better if I was a little thicker.  I’ve always thought I was cute J but I desired a nice full body as well. I didn’t exercise because I didn’t want to get any skinnier than I already was.  I looked like a lollipop… At least that was the joke.  Big head and little body.  This made me very insecure.  But I knew I needed to embrace who I was.  I’m grateful I can eat just about anything I want and not really have to worry about gaining weight.  Not that I eat any and everything but I’m thankful my life doesn’t have to consist of dieting.  I’m happy I educated myself on exercising and the benefits.  I’m still small but I have a little more definition to myself.  LOL! No more stick pole jokes.  The lollipop jokes just don’t go away.  Life has a way of changing your perspective.  When I decided that what you see is what you get I accepted my small frame.  Honestly, I’m happy I’m petite.  I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in… I’m happy for all the guys that thought I was cute but I was too skinny! Now, they are either too big or with someone that they complain about being too big.

I’m perfectly flawed! I don’t trust easily.  Growing up I didn’t understand the concept that trust was earned and not given.  I would meet people, get good vibes, and hand over all my trust.  You can only imagine what this has been like over the years.  After having my trust broken time and time again, I finally grasped the concept of trust being earned and not given.  Now, I’m so to trust.  I’m more cautious about opening up, communicating, and sharing me.  I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or bad thing.  Sometimes, it’s unfair to the individual but a girl can only have her trust taken for granted so many times before she begins to guard it with all she has.  I don’t like for people to try and rush me into trusting them.  One thing for certain is when I trust I do so explicitly.  You have to earn it and once you break it, it’s almost impossible to gain it back.  I’m perfectly flawed! Second chances are hard to come by with me.  Don’t fix me, love me! We all have flaws but we all are capable of loving and being loved…Flaws and ALL!  What’s a home without a mess?  What’s a person without flaws? Don’t fix me, love me! I’m perfectly flawed.

 

Day 7: Gratitude (Make a list of things you are grateful for, specifically focusing on things that you take for granted.  We tend to place a higher value on what we don’t have then what we do.)

About a week ago, I made a post on FB of some of the things that make me happy! I’m grateful for parents that I call daily.  We can get so accustomed to having our parents readily accessible that we take them for granted.  I’m grateful for sibling that I can count on.  They don’t always be in the places that I WANT them to be but they are ALWAYS where I NEED them to be.  More specifically the things I take for granted but shouldn’t, I’m thankful for a place to call home, running water, electricity, employment and my ability to communicate with any demographic… I’m forever grateful that I enjoy writing.  I’m thankful for hot baths after miles of running.  I’m thankful for reliable transportation, big fluffy bath towels, and most importantly peace of mind!

 

30 Layers... 30 Days... #100 #Representative Days 4-5

Day 4: 100% (Where in your life are you not showing up 100%)

Hmm, this made me really think and it made me sad to report that I’m not giving 100% in any areas of my life.  Although, I exceed expectations most of the time, when I look back I always find an area that I could have given more.  Let’s talk work for a minute.  I know I’m not giving 100% but the work is so non-challenging that I feel like 40% will exceed expectations.  If I say so myself, I do my job well but it doesn’t excite me.  I love the concept but I want a more hands on approach to helping people.  I do more than the bare minimum but I don’t give 100%.  Relationships – I try to give 100% especially when it comes to family and friends but if you read my previous post you will know that I’ve become selfish.  Selfish in the fact that I’m not willing to give 100% of myself for people who are only giving a small percentage of themselves.  I’m sure I could do more to be a better daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and friend but I can’t sacrifice and give more when I don’t get it in return.  Now, my love life is nonexistent these days.  And not because I’m not “trying” to date but because I haven’t come across the right one yet.  Or maybe the right one hasn’t come to me.  Either way, our paths haven’t crossed.  Dreams – the reality that I’m not giving 100% to my dreams makes me really sad.  My biggest problem is patience.  I don’t have any.  Maybe I should say very little.  This is a vast improvement for me.  I know some of my talents but I will quickly talk myself out of executing them most of the time.  And if I do execute them I always do it on a smaller scale than it should be.  However, I made a promise to myself to not let the fear of failing or being rejected rule over me.  I’m totally AWESOME at the things I do, especially when I give 100% and I just have to trust my talent and abilities. J  I will say this year I have been accomplishing things from my vision board.  It’s the best feeling in the world to have a vision posted on a board and to see it manifest!  Okay, I’ll be HONEST! I totally talk myself out of doing some things and definitely saying some things.  Not as much lately though.  Pre-thirties, I did this all the time.  Then I said what the heck… Hence the blogspot…almostunfiltered30. It took me a while to realize that I was responsible for me and no one else was.  So, I needed to be able to say what it was I wanted to say and to whomever.  Umm, not in a disrespectful kind of way but it has to be said.  I feel like there are so many areas in my life where I need to give more and show up 100% of the time.  I’m working on making my presence more known in these areas.  110% is my goal with exceptions.  And during those times I will give what it takes.   Even if it’s 150%.

Day 5: Representative (How is your representative *past or present* different from the real you? Why did you *or do you* feel that she was necessary?)

At 31, what you see is what you get! I haven’t always been that girl! My representative was the girl most people wanted to see but I learned quickly that trying to please people would get me nowhere.  Thankfully, I had parents who taught us how to be individuals.  And as great of a job they did I still found myself not really being myself.  I can be a little too outspoken.  At a point in my life, I didn’t want to come off as the “stereotypical” angry black woman.  But the reality of it is I was trying to conform to who I thought society wanted me to be.  I wanted to be acceptable in the collegiate and corporate world.  I wanted to be a politician so I thought I needed to change who I was.  The reality of it is I only needed to communicate better and with a warmer tone.  Luckily, I have a big sister who I act a lot alike but I noticed the way she communicated was totally different from me.  This was the case even when we felt the same way about things.  I noted that her tone and communication style was warmer and more effective.  She didn’t come off as the angry black woman with something to say but more like the intelligent woman who wasn’t a pushover.  I dropped my representative and let the authentic me shine.  I worked on my communication skills and learned how to say things “politically correct”! ;) In all other situations, I’ve always been me.  What you see is what you get.  I’m happy to report that I no longer feel a need to conform to who society thinks I should be. I have no desire to be anyone but me… Uniquely created.  Allowing a representative to be present in your life is exhausting and drains you of the REAL you.  After a while, you will lose sight of the REAL YOU!  My motto is never change who you are to conform to others but never stop improving the REAL you! 

30 Layers...30 Days... Self Discovery! Days 1 - 3

So, I am participating in this challenge: 30 layers... 30 days! It has already been interesting.  I love how the creator of this challenge makes you actually think.  It's a good reflection tool and just a good way to get to know YOU better!  Below are the first three days of the challenge... So far it's been very interesting! :) Enjoy the read and if you are inclined to do so join the challenge!

Day 1: Start. Stop. Continue.

Start: What do you want to start doing? What do you want more of in your life? What feelings, what activities, what energy? What baby steps can you take today? I want to start doing more volunteering with youth or less fortunate.  There is so much to want in life but ultimately I want to live knowing that I have left an impact on many lives.  I love the feeling I get after mentoring or volunteering.  I would love to start doing more things outside of my comfort zone. J  I’ll make a pledge to start incorporating one new activity per month into my schedule.

Stop: What have you had enough of? What are you tolerating or feeding into that is not adding value to your life? What area of your life is begging for more boundaries? I’ve had enough of people letting me down.  Sometimes, I tolerate people’s subpar behavior because of our relationship.  They are a family member, a life-long friend.  I need more boundaries with having expectations of others in my life.  This is the quickest way for me to be disappointed.

Continue: What habits or trends do you want to continue? What’s been working for you? What can you do to ensure you keep it going?  My number habit to continue is running! It’s my sanity when I’m insane.  My ME time when I need it most! It is my outlet to release any negative that may be taking its toll on me.  It is my praying time and my alone time with nature!  Writing is my other outlet.  Both running and writing has been working for me.  I’m sure both will continue.  I always make time for both.  I will rearrange my schedule to ensure I get both done when I feel a need for it! J

Day 2: Joy Snatchers (Narrow it down to your #1.  What can you do to minimize or eliminate this influence? More importantly, do you know and believe that you have the power to do so?)  Sometimes, joy snatchers are so small that I really shouldn’t give much thought to it.  I’m very impatient and sometimes I don’t see the humor in things.  I’m not anal or an asshole but I honestly don’t get the joke sometimes.  I think I can take life a little too serious at times.  I think my number one joy snatcher is expecting people to behave or think as I would.  Okay, let me clarify.  I’m not saying that everyone will do as I do or maybe I am.  This is very contradictory.  I just know that I expect to find the things that I find important just as important to them.  The older I get the more I realize we all have different priorities.  Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding why people do AB&C in situations XY&Z.  I need to move past this and accept that people handle the same situation differently.  More importantly, I need to let people make mistakes and learn from life’s experiences.  The best way for me to eliminate this joy snatcher is to accept that not everyone will prioritize what I find important or approach a situation the same as I will.  Yes, I HAVE THE POWER to change this! Every day, I work on becoming more acceptable and know that I realize it’s a joy snatcher I will be even more conscious of it. J

Day 3: Favorite Mistake (What mistake have you learned the most from?) This is a really hard one.  I thought on it and thought on it.  My favorite mistake probably isn’t really a mistake.  I learned the most about ME when I became selfishly concerned about my needs before others.  Now, I don’t necessarily think it was a mistake but my approach may have included a few mistakes.  I woke up one morning and decided I was tired of being the always available child, sibling, aunt, cousin, friend and girlfriend.  I was becoming a crutch for so many people.  And while doing so, I was stressing and worrying myself over things that others cared nothing about.  I WAS OVER IT!!!! I decided I was a priority and I was tired of being treated like an option.  So, I began focusing on me and what do you know I didn’t really know myself.  I’ll admit it was lonely at first but then I learned how to enjoy my own company.  I didn’t always need to be handling business for someone or solving their problems.  I did more of the things that made me happy… Running! Writing! Cooking! Planning! Playing dress up! Dancing! *I CAN’T DANCE AT ALL*  Needless to say, I fell in love with me all over again! I was my best “mistake”.  I lost a few people that shouldn’t have been on my team anyway.  When I stop benefitting them I was no longer needed in their lives.  Oh well!!! I’m happy and I continue to make my happiness a priority.  I’m selfishly making me happy! And while I’m doing so I continue to learn so much about myself.  Soul searching has been fun, scary and necessary.  I didn’t really know who I was but I knew who I needed to be for everyone else.  It was a relief to be there for me when I needed me the most.  It sounds weird but it’s the truth.  Since selfishly making my happiness a priority I’ve been less stressed and a lot easier to deal with… I even started dating.  Now, that hasn’t been the best experience but I’m hopeful! J

 

Remaining Faithful...Hopeful...& Positive

There seems to be so much happening in the world around us.  Some of it is affecting us directly and indirectly.  Needless to say, we are being affected.  These last few months seems like I have been surrounded by death.  Just about everything that I see on the news is NEGATIVE!  And let's not begin with social media.  All of these events make it extremely easy to lose faith, hope, and anything positive.  Sometimes it's hard to focus on the positive things in life when so much negative surrounds you.  I'm learning to surround myself with positive people and thoughts daily.  Life is much easier this way.

Death... My attitude about death changed a while ago.  It's the inexplicable and inevitable.  We know the time nor the hour.  All I can do is make each day count.  This life here on earth isn't guaranteed.  This is easier said than done, depending on the circumstances.  Remain faithful, hopeful and positive.  Cherish your loved ones.  Make memories as no one can take these away from you. Say I love you! But don't just say it...Show them that you mean it!  It has been 27 days since our (my family) world was turned upside down.  I can get through some of my worst days because I have memories of Corey.  Good, great, awesome memories. These things matter.  Send text messages, make phone calls and just cherish each other.

Negativity... I don't know when it became cool to be so negative.  The media, television and social media are draining the life out of people.  That is IF you LET them.  Don't get sucked into the drain of negativity.  Be that sprinkle of faith, hope and positive energy someone needs for the day.  We don't have to ALWAYS be attracted to the negative and the drama.  Spread hope and positive messages.  I like the fact that there's a challenge on FB to post three positive things for seven days on your FB page but also tag three different people daily.  I have found it to be refreshing and a good time for me to reflect on the positive that has occurred during the day.

There's so much to stress about, worry about, fret over, and all that other stuff BUT you can choose to focus on the positive things in life.  A lot of people will say it's hard to do when you have so much going in your life.  Your life could always be worse.  Nothing will change about your situation until you change your way of thinking.  No one has a perfect life.  And if they lead you to believe they do they are LYING! Things will happen...You may lose your job, house, car, loved one, etc but you have to make a decision to remain faithful, hopeful and positive.  Overcome the obstacle(s), learn from your experience, and share it with someone else who needs a little hope and positive energy!

Thankful Thursday! I'm thankful for it all.  I am stronger! I am smarter! I am wiser! I am more faithful! I am more hopeful! I am positive! I know for certain all my NEEDS are being met! #ThankfulThursday

Grown Up Purchases...House Buying & Ish!

First off, I have totally missed blogging.  Life started happening so quickly and then I was consumed.  Oh wait that sounds like an excuse but it's really what happened.  Here's a quick update on what I've been doing... Running and working out of course.  Running has been my saving grace.  I traveled to Canada to run my first international half marathon <-- blog coming soon.  I celebrated my birthday and had a blast... Then I bought a house! *SIGHS*

I guess I really grew up quickly.  Nothing has made me feel more grown up than signing my name on 90+ pages of documents.  So, it really wasn't my intention to purchase a house so soon and quickly.  I've been waiting for a good time to purchase but I never really thought it was a good time.  So, it went like this... On the phone with a friend and we're talking about an associate of hers that's a loan officer.  I give her a call and she tells me I'm pre-approved. What the what??? Really??? Then my process began.  I wasn't being picky or anything like that I was still amazed that I was even considering.  My first realtor sucked...Like she was horrible! So, she got left behind.  My new realtor was awesome.  She lined up more than enough showings and quickly.  I had already made up my mind that I didn't want to be house poor so I had a set amount I was willing to pay regardless to the pre-approval amount.  I was on a tight deadline... My lease was up on my apartment on June 30th.  So, I had about five weeks to make something happen.  Then I traveled to Canada and everything happened...

Needless to say, I closed and moved in one day! I LOVE my house... It's a little too much space but I'm loving making it MINE!  These little DIY projects are not really my friend but I'm learning to cope.  I spend a lot of time in Lowe's and other places.  So, expect pictures to come sooner rather than later... Before and after pics!  In the meantime, here are a few things I learned.

~Be realistic about your money will buy you
~Know your must haves and what you can compromise one
~There will always be unexpected things
~The small things add up
~Research your neighborhood or area
~Plan for everything and anything to happen during the process
~Enjoy your new house...Make it yours!

Day 3 - NaPoWriMo (Living with a Heavy Heart)

With all the recent deaths, I got to feeling a certain kind of way.  I've been here...Living with a heavy heart!

Things can happen so fast
Making it impossible to return to your now past
You know something that shakes you to your core
Making you believe you can't take any more

Have you ever heard your soul cry?
Or ever had a piece of your heart die?
It's not something you want to feel...
But it's what keeps us human even if it's surreal

The pain of missing someone every day
Searching for words but never having anything to say
It's not an easy task living in pain
Hoping and praying you can stay sane

Your heart aches and your soul cries
Making you want to say permanent goodbyes
But that will only cause more pain
And that really is insane

Finding peace is the key
And that's the only way your happiness will be...
It's hard living with a heavy heart
But know it won't always be this dark

Alexandria Walker
April 3, 2014

Day 2 - NaPoWriMo (Lost Girls)

A World of Lost Girls

I'm often referred to as the lost girl
Only because I'm consumed in a materialistic world
I don't have much focus these days
You can tell by my actions and unacceptable ways

I tried walking by faith and not by sight
But I everything I did seemed wrong and far from right
It is so easy to get lost in this world
Much easier if you are a misguided girl

I wasn't raised this way
My behavior and the things I say
I used to be that adorable, sassy little girl
Now, I'm lost in a cruel, heartless world

I've always had BIG dreams
Only now they've changed to go along with my materialistic themes
Naive, I didn't stand a chance in this cold world
I gave my soul now I'm just another lost girl

Alexandria Walker
April 2, 2014

Day 1 - NaPoWriMo

I recently learned about NaPoWriMo from one of my Sorors.  I'm going to try to see if I'm creative enough to write something each day of April.  I may get behind in posting but I'm giving it a try...  This poem doesn't have a title but I wrote it yesterday...

He is affectionate, loving, and caring
You know the kind that makes you open your heart to sharing
It's easy to walk in the park hand in hand
Making you proud to call him your man

He's attentive to your needs and encourages your dreams
You throw caution to the wind and does what seems
To be right and give him your all
His smooth talking will eventually be your downfall

He spoils you with surprise gifts and trips
He makes it hard not to believe everything that falls from his lips
You visit every romantic place
Only to one day have them haunt you with his face

He didn't come with a warning label
Actually, he was welcomed at the dinner table
He was the dream chaser, money maker
And the ultimate heart breaker

He made you fall in love with him
Just like he did the rest of them
A smooth talking, hand holding brother
The type that's encouraged by your mother

Alexandria Walker
April 1, 2014

Training Your Brain to Achieve Your Goals Seminar!

On Saturday, I had the pleasure of attending a seminar hosted by Black Girls Run!  The guest speaker was Dr. Stan Beecham, author of the book entitled: Elite Minds.  There were so many great takeaways from his talk on Saturday.  I will only highlight a few of those.

First, we all know that we are our own biggest critic.  The question Dr. Beecham posed was, "What gives you permission to judge and critique yourself?  We are quick to say we don't want to criticize or judge others but we do it to ourselves all the time.  I know in my case I do it all the time.  I'm harder on myself than I should be.  I don't really enjoy the small accomplishments because I'm always worried about what I have not accomplished. I'm working on breaking this habit.

He talked about wealth.  So, let me ask my readers, what is wealth to you.  Dr. Beecham stated that wealth has nothing to with the things we usually associate it with.  It has nothing to do with money and material things but it has every thing to do with the way you are living your life and your happiness.  How wealthy are you?

SUCCESS! Success isn't about desires but it is about actions.  We all desire to be successful and success looks differently for each of us.  What actions are you taking to be successful?  Success has no one path.  It all looks differently for each of us.  He talked about our misconception of success.  There is no one easy way to be successful but there is on path to failure. Quitting!  Giving up on yourself is the only way to fail.

Everyone has a calling and most of us will spend our entire lives not knowing what our calling is.  Just know if you have a calling and you try to run from it you will not have a moment of peace.  If you are called to do something and you avoid doing it, it will haunt you and you will not have peace until you complete what you were called to do.  You don't have to be totally comfortable to do something.  Most of us spend half our life working a job we hate to make money to live a life that we hate.  Know your calling and follow it.

This is a quick and dirty overview of the seminar.  Perhaps, the most important thing that stood out to me was the way he started his talk: You are the right age, at the right stage, the right race, at the right place and at the time... Basically, you are capable of doing whatever it is your heart desires.  Stop being your biggest critic and live your full potential.  You have no idea how far you can go and great you can be.

Check out his book: Elite Minds and hopefully you are inspired as I was by his discussions.  I am only 40% through the book and it has been inspirational! I'm sure I will blog when I have completed the book! Stay tuned!

Runners' History! Inaugural Summit...

Today, I had the pleasure of attending the Inaugural Summit for Black/African American Running Groups in Metro Atlanta.  The summit was held by South Fulton Running Partners.  What makes this history.  South Fulton Running Partners is the oldest Black running group in the United States! It was such a great experience to be apart of history.  I had no knowledge of the other running groups in Metro Atlanta.  There were 200+ Black runners in attendance and it was more than exciting.

It's always a good feeling to be in the company of others who respect the fact that you are a runner but more importantly who are just as passionate about running as you are. I think what was more important is that they all looked like me.  Well not really but you get my drift.  They were Black like me.  You talking about combatting the stereotypes that "we" don't run.  Haha! This event did that.  We had individuals who had run marathons in all fifty states, the Boston Marathon several times, and so many other accomplishments.  I love how the running community can come together and celebrate what we are so passionate about.

The summit was a platform for Black running groups to gather, network, and run together.  We enjoyed a nice, hilly 4.2 mile route.  Once we returned, we received a medal, photo op, food, and socialized.  Of course, when it's more than two people it is ALWAYS a party.  They were turnt up.  LOL! It was a great experience and I'm happy to have been a part of it. Did I mention it was FREE?! Yep, it was free!

I'm thankful for the SFRP for paving the way 35 years ago! I'm proud to be a runner and especially proud to be a Black Woman that runs!  The groups that were in attendance: South Fulton Running Partners, South DeKalb Striders, Black Girls Run!, Black Men Run, Savannah Pacers, Running Nerds, National Black Marathoners, & Urban Running Group.

My Most Meaningful & Important Race Yet...St. Jude Half Marathon!

St. Jude Half Marathon

Why this the most important race I've registered for yet? Here's OUR story... In June 2008, we buried my niece, Arnevia Triplett.  She was only 22 months old.  As painful and unexpected as it was it didn't compare to the pain I felt a couple years later.  In 2010, my same sister and brother-in-law buried my nephew.  He was only 374 days old! Both my niece and nephew had a rare disease, DiGeorge Syndrome.  At the time that my niece passed, we didn't know this.  Her cause of death was listed as unknown as the doctors could not figure out what the problem was.

A couple years later, my nephew, Devan Triplett was admitted to St. Jude after significant weight loss.  He was tested for everything and all his tests came back negative.  Again, the doctors couldn't pinpoint the issue.  Then a medical student suggested that he get tested for DiGeorge Syndrome since he had all the symptoms.  And what do you know, his illness actually had a name.  It was rare but at least we knew or somewhat knew what we were dealing with.  For 374 days, in and out of the hospital, scare after scare, we had the most precious little boy in our lives.  I thought he was my child.  I spoiled him.  Anytime he was sick, I was hopping on the next flight or driving home to be there.  I prayed constantly for a complete healing. 

Then the Saturday after Thanksgiving, I received the dreaded phone call! My sister simply said, "I need you at home.  My baby died in his sleep this morning." I can't begin to describe the pain, hurt, and I anger I felt.  I lost a piece of me that day.  It sounds cliché but I literally lost a piece of my soul, heart, and my peace of mind.  I was angry with everyone except my sister. I just couldn't fathom what she was feeling at that moment and I still can't.  But I was especially angry with God. I couldn't understand why we prayed so hard to have our prayers unanswered.  Or why an innocent little boy was brought into this this world to suffer and be taken away so soon! I just couldn't get past this one incident.  I know my Mom thought I was loosing my mind and most days I felt like I was as well.  I would call her screaming, crying, angry, upset, and grieving in the worst way possible.  I always stayed strong for my sister but I had some of my worst moments when driving.

I stopped going to church and all but stopped believing.  Then I decided to run outdoors.  It was a totally different experience from the treadmill.  My running didn't begin immediately.  Actually, it was a couple years later.  I needed an outlet.  I was so angry with God and I missed Devan more than I could put into words.  I would run and reflect on everything. I would think about the first moment I laid eyes on him, held him, spoiled him, and just loved on him! I started to grieve in a more "healthy" way! Slowly, I started leaving my anger on the pavement.  I started to feel lighter.  At that point, I knew running was saving me from myself.  So, I kept at it and more things were coming into perspective.  I started praying again and listening to God.  Running was slowly restoring my faith; because I definitely had let it go.  I made a vow to support St. Jude and their efforts as frequently as possible.  I'm forever grateful that my sister and brother-in-law made me the Aunt of the world's most precious little boy.  My Devan! I'm grateful that St. Jude gave us the most amazing 374 days to make memories that will last a lifetime!  I'm thankful and grateful that God knew better than me.  He gave Devan his complete healing.  I didn't understand that Devan had served his purpose in such a short time.

So, this is more than a race for me.  It's a reflection of how far I've come.  How I've learned to grieve in a more healthy way.  Sometimes, when I'm running I think about all the fun we had as a family during his hospital visits or the pain he must have endured for 374 days.  Then I say to myself he was just a baby and he fought for 374 day surely you can make it X time.  I can show him that his Aunt will continue to fight his fight.  Grateful isn't sufficient enough of a word to describe how I feel for those 374 days.  Although I don't say it, each run and race is possible because God saw fit to give us a strong, little boy who changed me in ways unknown to many in such a short time period.

So, this isn't just another race! It's for my memories of my Devan! TeTe Pooka loves and misses you & your sister! St. Jude thank you for 374 days.  Sister & brother-in-law thank you for an amazingly, strong nephew & niece! God thank you for knowing better than me!

My Apology

I am apologizing because they are the Trayvon Martins, Richard Shermans, and Jordan Davis of the world as well. Once again, Florida shows us just how much they value the lives of our Black children.  How a man is found guilty of  three counts of attempted murder and the jury can't decide if he's guilty of murder is beyond me... At any rate, I wanted to write about it.

For my brother, nephews, nieces, Godson, and unborn child(ren), I'm sorry your life is valued less than your Caucasian peers! I'm sorry that you can't walk to the store in a hoodie to get a soda and a bag of skittles and not be seen as a threat.  Let me apologize in advance if you happen to be in the wrong neighborhood but it's really the right neighborhood and get profiled as a "thug"! Let me apologize now if you happen to be passionate about something and express your feelings and you are called angry or an idiot! I'm sorry that it's not safe for you to ride with your friends and do teenage things like ride with your music loud and listen to that hip hop song. Let me apologize now if you happen to do things that some teenagers do. See my children you are held to a higher standard than your peers but then you're really not. It's like you are expected to behave a certain way and when you screw up your consequences will be far greater than others. While some will view you as less human and important, you should know that you have a slew of us who see you for what you really are worth! Priceless! Your life is important! You are important. Please don't let the media or anyone else depict things any differently! When I look at you I see greatness! All of you are our pride and joy! Just know that you may have to work a little harder, walk a more narrow line in life, make fewer mistakes and avoid the negative stereotypes that are frequently depicted by others. Your greatness can not and will not be defined by the mediocrity of our society! I apologize for those that blazed paths before you and even me only to see them being snatched away slowly! Let me be the first to apologize on behalf of this judgmental society who can't seem to view our differences as assets! Let me be the first to apologize for any ignorance that you may experience as a Black child in this world. Not everyone will view you as less than human or important but for the ones that do I apologize! You should know that you are a rare commodity and you are way more important than they are willing to admit! You are feared because you are strong, intelligent, resourceful, and one of a kind. People often fear what they do not know or can't relate to. They
can't relate to you because they don't know our struggles. They don't understand your values! Always let them only see the strong, intelligent side of you! Let them know that you know you can not and will not be defeated! Let them know you will not live in fear because they do so! Again, I apologize as a sister, aunt, Godmother, and future mother for the lack of value that some of society has placed on your life! Just know that you don't need the consensus of the masses to prevail and be great! You were born great! And we shall ensure that you stay on your path to greatness!

With love and prayers,

Alexandria (Sister, aunt, Godmother, & mother <-- one day maybe)

I'm Not Ready... Realizations!

These last few months I've felt like I was ready for a serious relationship or even marriage.  Obviously, things have to take place before either of the two happens.  I have to meet a worthy guy, we both enjoy each other's company, become friends, and go from there.  Honestly, I don't think I'm ready.  I don't have the patience to make a marriage work.  I assess my actions and nothing about them say I'm ready!  I'm too quick to say forget it when things don't fall into place like I thought they should.  I'm spiteful at times, which I find to be childish yet a bad habit to break.  I'm borderline spoil and like to have things my way.  But then who doesn't? Most of the time I do though. Compromising is something I definitely need to work on.  I know when I'm wrong but I know when I'm right too! LOL! I think I have the best solutions and I really don't like to compromise.  SMH! Submissive...I don't think I have a submissive bone in my body yet! I say yet because I'll get there when husband comes along.  Right now, I'm too independent for a lack of better term.  Example: When I was leaving for Europe I had all my bags downstairs in the lobby ready to take to my car.  The gentleman at the Concierge started to assist and I just kept right on rolling.  He's an older guy and he said, "Alexandria let a man be a man.  I'm trying to assist you and you are hardly letting me do so".  I didn't have much to say to that but, "oh, thank you".  Sometimes, I'm so focused on getting a task done that I don't play my role.  As a wife, this will not work.  It's crazy how I know all these things but I'm still not ready.  I've had great examples of marriage with longevity.  Parents (who are divorced now but it was still a great example of husband and wife for the most part), aunt & uncles, and grandparents! So, I know my faults but I didn't realize how seriously unready I am for a lifetime commitment.  I have so many things to work on and bad habits to break before I can even think about marriage.  Sighs! I didn't realize all of this until today.  While I've pointed out all my vices, I have good qualities that will be beneficial as a wife.  However, my vices will hinder my ability to be the best wife possible.  And anything less than my best is unacceptable, especially when it comes to my couple of forevers!

I understand when the right guy comes along some of this will become second nature but right now I'm just being honest with ME! I'm not READY! :) #baredmysoul #selfreflection #thetruth #imnotready

Balancing Life & Your Active, Healthy Lifestyle

When I decided to take on an active, healthy lifestyle I found it hard to balance everything I had going on in my life.  I still find it hard but there are adjustments I have made to make it a little easier.  First, I decided being active and healthy was a priority along with other things but I'm not willing to sacrifice too much if any in this area. 

Anyone who knows me knows I love to be busy.  I'm always working on various projects and ventures.  I work full-time, working with colleagues on starting a non-profit organization, online magazine, I AM HER Health & Fitness Series, writing and editing a novella series, and other small projects.  At first, I couldn't find a balance and my first response would be I'll workout/run another day.  Well, that wasn't very productive so I told myself I would make time.  What good will I be with all the ventures manifesting if I'm not healthy enough to enjoy them? NONE!

Here are a few of my tips: 1) Find a time that works for you.  For me, it's easier for me to run early morning before work.  2) Get you an accountability partner or have a group of individuals who have similar goals that can motivate and support you. 3) Proper planning and preparation.  I do what I call reset Sundays.  I plan my entire week and prepare.  I cook enough meals to last two or three days (breakfast, lunch, and dinner); layout and iron my work clothes for the week; clean and do laundry; and prioritize projects that need to be completed. 4) During the week, I decide what days I'm working on what and I work diligently until all tasks associated with that project are completed. 5) REST! I get plenty of rest.  Sometimes, it means going to bed early since I have early mornings.  I have a "Do Not Disturb" option on my phone.  This allows me to restrict calls during a certain time of the night.  I have mine set for 9 pm - 6 am.  This means I do not receive phone calls unless they are listed as a favorite, NO text messages or other notifications during these hours.  I have found this to be helpful whether I'm sleeping or working.  It limits my distractions. 7) Be Realistic.  I am realistic about what I can accomplish.  I would like to get everything done as quickly as possible but the reality of it is I'm only one person with so much time. 8) Sacrifice! I do a lot of this especially when I'm training. I really don't have a social life and I'm fine with it right now.  When I feel like I'm at my wits end I go out.

Besides working out actually gives you energy!  Just remember where there is no sacrifice, there is no real struggle, and where there is no real struggle there is no real REWARD!

Ladies if you need that additional support and motivation follow my I AM HER group on FB!  I will also begin documenting my Fit Journey in February so follow that on FB as well! It should be interesting while I strive to get healthier, stronger and faster!

Scandal & Being Mary Jane... The Side Chick Argument!

These are my confessions...Just when I thought I said all I could say...My chick on the side said she got one on the way...These are my confessions!

LOL! I thought it would be cool to start this blog post with something like that.  Mission accomplished.  Lately, there has been the constant question of whether or not Scandal & Being Mary Jane are promoting being the side chick.  First off, let me say I haven't watched Being Mary Jane.  Secondly, I am a Scandal fan so I will try to be as unbiased as possible.  Lastly, I would like to address a couple other issues that I have discussed with individuals involving Scandal period.

Are these two shows advocating for side chicks? Scandal is just living up to it's name.  A married man, the President of the United States, cheating on his wife with a woman who happens to be Black.  I wonder if this would even be a debate if Olivia Pope was white? Just my question...  This show is about scandalous activity and what better scandal is there than a cheating spouse?  When Shonda Rhimes, who I perceive to be a genius, created the show I don't think her intention was to advocate for side chicks.  Now, have side chicks become intrigued and even encouraged?  Perhaps they have.  Whose fault is that? I can't say it's Shonda's or Kerry's.  People should learn how to separate scripted television and the reality of their lives.

I was having a conversation with a guy while getting my car serviced and he said he didn't like Scandal because their was no depiction of Black Love! I'm an advocate for Black Love.  Being that I am an advocate, I'm happy Shonda has strayed away from Black Love on the show.  The last thing I need is yet another negative image of Black Love.  Every relationship on Scandal involves a um scandal.  I am pleased that the Black men on the show are the "good guys" or at least trying to be the good guys.  Daddy Pope and Harrison.  The other question I was asked, "How do I feel about Olivia screwing a white guy? Why couldn't the President be Black?" I only have two points to make on this.  1) There would be less viewers if it was a Black mistress and Black President.  It boils down to ratings.  2) I would have been disappointed if the President was Black.  We just recently made history with a Black President and I wouldn't just won't that type of image out there.

So, maybe Scandal and Being Mary Jane have encouraged side chicks to behave a certain way.  But then the best way to test this theory is to poll side chicks to see what actually influenced their behavior.

These are just my opinions...I couldn't go into too much details since I didn't want to bore all of you with my thoughts!

Dating... How much do you give or sacrifice?

I am trying this dating thing seriously in 2014...LOL! I have a slight dilemma though.  I'm not sure how much is too much to give or sacrifice.  Perhaps, what is too little.  Let's say you are feeling this person and both of you have crazy schedules his/her schedule is a tad bit crazier than yours.  However, the days he/she is free aren't good days for you.

I told myself that there are just some things I'm not willing to sacrifice and my running is one of them.  The times that I run makes it almost impossible to hang out or go out on dates the night before my run.  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have to be up no later than 4:45 for my 5:15 run.  That's too early for me hang out the night before without being tired. Since, I am half marathon training again my Fridays are out as well being that Saturdays will be our long run days.

Running is my ME time and I'm just not willing to bend on that.  I'm just finding myself again after so long and I don't want to get lost.  So, what happens when two people are feeling each other but their schedules clash?  Am I being unrealistic about not sacrificing a little of my running time or better yet my sleep time to hang out?  I'm not sure what can become of this if two people schedules don't allow time for actual dating.

Any suggestions or comments?