I'm Not Ready... Realizations!

These last few months I've felt like I was ready for a serious relationship or even marriage.  Obviously, things have to take place before either of the two happens.  I have to meet a worthy guy, we both enjoy each other's company, become friends, and go from there.  Honestly, I don't think I'm ready.  I don't have the patience to make a marriage work.  I assess my actions and nothing about them say I'm ready!  I'm too quick to say forget it when things don't fall into place like I thought they should.  I'm spiteful at times, which I find to be childish yet a bad habit to break.  I'm borderline spoil and like to have things my way.  But then who doesn't? Most of the time I do though. Compromising is something I definitely need to work on.  I know when I'm wrong but I know when I'm right too! LOL! I think I have the best solutions and I really don't like to compromise.  SMH! Submissive...I don't think I have a submissive bone in my body yet! I say yet because I'll get there when husband comes along.  Right now, I'm too independent for a lack of better term.  Example: When I was leaving for Europe I had all my bags downstairs in the lobby ready to take to my car.  The gentleman at the Concierge started to assist and I just kept right on rolling.  He's an older guy and he said, "Alexandria let a man be a man.  I'm trying to assist you and you are hardly letting me do so".  I didn't have much to say to that but, "oh, thank you".  Sometimes, I'm so focused on getting a task done that I don't play my role.  As a wife, this will not work.  It's crazy how I know all these things but I'm still not ready.  I've had great examples of marriage with longevity.  Parents (who are divorced now but it was still a great example of husband and wife for the most part), aunt & uncles, and grandparents! So, I know my faults but I didn't realize how seriously unready I am for a lifetime commitment.  I have so many things to work on and bad habits to break before I can even think about marriage.  Sighs! I didn't realize all of this until today.  While I've pointed out all my vices, I have good qualities that will be beneficial as a wife.  However, my vices will hinder my ability to be the best wife possible.  And anything less than my best is unacceptable, especially when it comes to my couple of forevers!

I understand when the right guy comes along some of this will become second nature but right now I'm just being honest with ME! I'm not READY! :) #baredmysoul #selfreflection #thetruth #imnotready