Tuesday, February 18, 2014

My Apology

I am apologizing because they are the Trayvon Martins, Richard Shermans, and Jordan Davis of the world as well. Once again, Florida shows us just how much they value the lives of our Black children.  How a man is found guilty of  three counts of attempted murder and the jury can't decide if he's guilty of murder is beyond me... At any rate, I wanted to write about it.

For my brother, nephews, nieces, Godson, and unborn child(ren), I'm sorry your life is valued less than your Caucasian peers! I'm sorry that you can't walk to the store in a hoodie to get a soda and a bag of skittles and not be seen as a threat.  Let me apologize in advance if you happen to be in the wrong neighborhood but it's really the right neighborhood and get profiled as a "thug"! Let me apologize now if you happen to be passionate about something and express your feelings and you are called angry or an idiot! I'm sorry that it's not safe for you to ride with your friends and do teenage things like ride with your music loud and listen to that hip hop song. Let me apologize now if you happen to do things that some teenagers do. See my children you are held to a higher standard than your peers but then you're really not. It's like you are expected to behave a certain way and when you screw up your consequences will be far greater than others. While some will view you as less human and important, you should know that you have a slew of us who see you for what you really are worth! Priceless! Your life is important! You are important. Please don't let the media or anyone else depict things any differently! When I look at you I see greatness! All of you are our pride and joy! Just know that you may have to work a little harder, walk a more narrow line in life, make fewer mistakes and avoid the negative stereotypes that are frequently depicted by others. Your greatness can not and will not be defined by the mediocrity of our society! I apologize for those that blazed paths before you and even me only to see them being snatched away slowly! Let me be the first to apologize on behalf of this judgmental society who can't seem to view our differences as assets! Let me be the first to apologize for any ignorance that you may experience as a Black child in this world. Not everyone will view you as less than human or important but for the ones that do I apologize! You should know that you are a rare commodity and you are way more important than they are willing to admit! You are feared because you are strong, intelligent, resourceful, and one of a kind. People often fear what they do not know or can't relate to. They
can't relate to you because they don't know our struggles. They don't understand your values! Always let them only see the strong, intelligent side of you! Let them know that you know you can not and will not be defeated! Let them know you will not live in fear because they do so! Again, I apologize as a sister, aunt, Godmother, and future mother for the lack of value that some of society has placed on your life! Just know that you don't need the consensus of the masses to prevail and be great! You were born great! And we shall ensure that you stay on your path to greatness!

With love and prayers,

Alexandria (Sister, aunt, Godmother, & mother <-- one day maybe)

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

I'm Not Ready... Realizations!

These last few months I've felt like I was ready for a serious relationship or even marriage.  Obviously, things have to take place before either of the two happens.  I have to meet a worthy guy, we both enjoy each other's company, become friends, and go from there.  Honestly, I don't think I'm ready.  I don't have the patience to make a marriage work.  I assess my actions and nothing about them say I'm ready!  I'm too quick to say forget it when things don't fall into place like I thought they should.  I'm spiteful at times, which I find to be childish yet a bad habit to break.  I'm borderline spoil and like to have things my way.  But then who doesn't? Most of the time I do though. Compromising is something I definitely need to work on.  I know when I'm wrong but I know when I'm right too! LOL! I think I have the best solutions and I really don't like to compromise.  SMH! Submissive...I don't think I have a submissive bone in my body yet! I say yet because I'll get there when husband comes along.  Right now, I'm too independent for a lack of better term.  Example: When I was leaving for Europe I had all my bags downstairs in the lobby ready to take to my car.  The gentleman at the Concierge started to assist and I just kept right on rolling.  He's an older guy and he said, "Alexandria let a man be a man.  I'm trying to assist you and you are hardly letting me do so".  I didn't have much to say to that but, "oh, thank you".  Sometimes, I'm so focused on getting a task done that I don't play my role.  As a wife, this will not work.  It's crazy how I know all these things but I'm still not ready.  I've had great examples of marriage with longevity.  Parents (who are divorced now but it was still a great example of husband and wife for the most part), aunt & uncles, and grandparents! So, I know my faults but I didn't realize how seriously unready I am for a lifetime commitment.  I have so many things to work on and bad habits to break before I can even think about marriage.  Sighs! I didn't realize all of this until today.  While I've pointed out all my vices, I have good qualities that will be beneficial as a wife.  However, my vices will hinder my ability to be the best wife possible.  And anything less than my best is unacceptable, especially when it comes to my couple of forevers!

I understand when the right guy comes along some of this will become second nature but right now I'm just being honest with ME! I'm not READY! :) #baredmysoul #selfreflection #thetruth #imnotready